Deep in the underbelly of The Boomerang Blog there is an unpublished draft of a post entitled, “In the Meantime… I Get Wrapped Up in Shows That Break My Heart.” This draft was last saved in March of 2010, as I literally shook and cried my way through my digestion of the Skins season 4 finale. Was I being melodramatic, you ask? I’m counting on Skins watchers to back me up on this one, but the answer is probably not.
Let me explain. There is this show called Skins. It’s about to debut on MTV, but it’s been on British TV for about four years now. The original show used to star that kid you loved from About a Boy and that other one from Slumdog Millionaire that became famous after. And I am a reluctant fan.
Skins is a show that is, on the one hand, extremely alluring. It features amazing and well-written characters played by attractive, age-appropriate actors with great fashion sense. You will see yourself in more than one of these characters, and you will like it. On the other hand, this show is masochism personified. It will take your most favorite character and it will put him in painful, dangerous, and life-threatening situations. And you will not be able to stop watching. It will shoot him full of pills and self-doubt, and ruin his family and his love life… at least if he’s lucky. The less fortunate characters will actually ***SPOILER ALERT BUT SERIOUSLY DON’T START WATCHING SKINS*** get slashed up by deceptive, borderline-pedophile megalomaniacs, get hit by buses, get brain tumors, slit their wrists… I mean are you getting what I’m saying here, because I feel like you must know where this is going by now. Towards the beginning of Skins season 1, my sister and her friend actually set up a small facebook group (christ, remember when that wasn’t a dated term?) so that we could have support meetings after episodes appeared on YouTube; a sort of a Skins fans anonymous, if you will. It is the type of show that necessitates such therapy.
A new British season is supposedly debuting soon. And will I be watching it? Most likely. And am I ashamed? Yes. But as long as the show continues to be written so excellently, it will remain addictive and I won’t be able to stop myself. I am secure with this decision.
But now I see this bullshit on my television, and you have probably seen it on yours:
American. Fucking. Skins. On MTV. Eww.
I had read last year that this was going to happen. But now it’s here, and the freaking New York Times is saying how this is a show for the millennial demographic. And since those are my people, shit is getting real. The threat is imminent. So I’d just like to take this opportunity to say: try not to watch Skins. Even though you’ll want to. And if you have to watch Skins, you probably shouldn’t watch American Skins.
Will I, personally, be watching American Skins? I will be tempted to. But no, I
don’t think so. Why not? Well, there’s the fact that pretty much everything essential to British Skins can’t legally be shown on MTV. This is a series that makes Gossip Girl seem tame. (Is that a topical comparison? I think so but I don’t watch Gossip Girl.) And then there’s the fact that this show is a total rip off of the original Skins (see this brilliant person’s trailer mashup for verification!) Yes, I watch such American rips as The Office, and I love them, so saying such a thing might make me a hypocrite, but I really can’t let this one fly. It’s going to be absurd.
So I’ve probably wasted too much time on this, and I also could be wrong. But just err on the side of caution. And to my fellow fans: stay strong. I’m here for you.