Clarissa Explains Interning in NYC in the 90s, or, the Sitcom I Wish I Had Written/Starred In

Zomg, you guys.  While reading around on Flavorwire, I just happened to stumble upon one of the most refreshing sitcoms I have ever seen in my life.  It’s about a girl after my own heart: a snarky, bright-eyed young one from a small town going to college in New York City with the opportunity to intern at one of the city’s leading newspapers.  She’s girlish and un-jaded enough to want to change the world through her journalism, but she’s grown up enough to understand that the New York City subways are filled with creepers.  And oh, she used to dress like this:

And this:

And this:

That’s right, the dream of the 90s is alive again! Someone unearthed a pilot for a Clarissa Explains It All spinoff called Clarissa Now.  Sometime in between letting her best friend climb in through her window all the time and becoming a teenage witch, our hero ditched her day-glo prints for stylish New York City black and tried to make it as a journalist.  It is as excellent as it sounds.  Watch here:

Movie Night: Live Blogging “Wind”

For however blah their lives are now, Boomerang Blog upkeepers Stephanie and Jessica know that no matter how hard they try, life will never be as good as it was during their last year of summer camp.  Join them now as they attempt to relive their past by watching one of Beach Point Sailing Camp’s favorite films: Wind.

Wind, which is based on a true story, stars Matthew Modine and a pre-nose job Jennifer Gray.  Modine plays Will Parker, a young man trying to regain his and America’s credibility as sailors by attempting to reclaim the illustrious America’s Cup (the world’s most prestigious sailing trophy.)  Having been an essential part of the US crew that lost the Cup (which had brought on a cursed losing streak for the US ever since) Modine attempts to reclaim the title for himself and his country.  He solicits help from his former sailing partner and ex-girlfriend, Kate Bass ( Jennifer Grey.)  Also there is a hot rich girl, Stellan Skarsgard, and some wacky Australians.  It’s a good time.

JESS: I’m so excited.  Woah, naked Matthew Modine.

JESS: My mistake, naked Jennifer Grey.

JESS: This is where they introduce the annoying inspirational theme music.

STEPH: Spinnaker dragging!  and why is Morgan wearing a captain’s hat?

JESS: Francis Ford Coppola Executive Produced this?  I expect better from him.

STEPH: The winged keel is lovely, but historically inaccurate.  The first winged keel was on the Australia II, the boat that took the America’s Cup away from the Americans in 1983 (this according to wikipedia)

JESS: Daaang, Steph.  Good detective work.

STEPH: Another dragging spinnaker.  Join me in a tally: II (and they call themselves professional sailors)

JESS: Also there was some vintage 90’s nose zinc in that last scene.

STEPH: That’s III.  Jess, stand by to jibe.

JESS: This is the first time Parker and Bass is pronounced Pahhhhkah and Bahhhhss in this movie.  That was an Australian accent btw.

JESS: That’s not a spinnaker, its a jib, Matthew Modine.  Also, when people capsize during races, they unflip the boat and get right back in, they don’t chill in the water and try to sex one another.

STEPH: “Take a look at this sexy boat” = lamest pretext for getting it on with someone.  Besides Parker, she’s already your girlfriend.

JESS: Radiance vs. BOOMERANG!?!?!?!  Oh God, Steph.  The US loses to a boat called Boomerang run by evil Australians!

STEPH: The digital analysis of the race is reminscent of the game Regatta.

JESS: I love how in the sailing scenes where the US is winning its all sunny and sparkly and then when they get in the shit with the Australians it gets all cloudy and gray.

STEPH: The Americans look so glum.

STEPH: Which looks worse?  Matthew Modine’s neckerchief or Stellan Skarsgard’s suspenders/panama hat?

JESS: I don’t think Matthew Modine wants that girl to imagine her hand is a boat…

JESS: A good way to crash a pick up truck: have Jennifer Grey hoist a sail on top of it and set it loose in the desert.

STEPH: I love how the crew arrive in all manner of vehicles.  The only thing missing was a jet-pack.

JESS: This is it! The big race!  That shirtless dancing is only mildly offensive.

STEPH: Tack morons!

STEPH: Whomper count begins: II

JESS: The next time my parents tell me to do something I don’t want to do, I’m just going to start banging out some Native American tribal beat on the nearest available surface.  If this movie teaches me anything, it’s that that will work.

JESS: Also that I should flip coins when making life altering decisions.

JESS: Yes! Pahhhker and Bass are reunited!

STEPH: The calm seas remind me of Long Island Sound.  Also the year we beat the fleet at Sears Cup, only to have the race called.  Too bad you weren’t there for that one Jess.

STEPH: “Let’s rolltack this mother.”  And yes, they are up to something.  Going towards a ridiculously noticeable wind line.

JESS: “He’s up to something.  He’s tacking” = my favorite line in this movie.  And now it’s blowing like, 30 knots.  Cinematic magic!

STEPH: Spinnaker in water count: IV, Whomper Count: III

STEPH: Whomper Count: VIII

JESS: Whomper count is now up to like, 13.  Also I hate that that guy takes credit for Kate’s invention!  It’s because she’s a woman.

JESS: Jack! You Bastard!  That was the fucking Whomper!

STEPH: Let the tacking battle begin!

JESS: I know I’ve seen this movie many times, but I always get nervous right here.  lolz.

JESS: He’s thrown him a dummy tack! Cue the music!

STEPH: It still makes me smile when Parker and Bass are reunited again.  So touching.

THE END.

Movie Night: Boomerang Continues

Posted by Stephanie.  New to this series?  Check out parts one and two.

Recap: Marcus gets the woman with the dog’s number.  They have a date that his neighbor tries to interrupt with poster-board messages.  The woman ignores the warnings and is gullible enough to fall for Marcus’ lines about not having dated in two years.  We the audience snicker, then hang our heads at her shame.  He leaves her because of her “hammer time” feet, but really, he was just looking for an out.

What redeems this segment?  A very young Chris Rock and a sassy Eartha Kitt (the original Catwoman).  Eddie Murphy does not.  Care to continue?

Double Header: Movie Night and Boomerangs In Pop Culture

Posted by Stephanie.

So just to recap: Eddie Murphy’s character is a man so successful with the ladies that he sends roses to seven of them.  Then he watches a not suitable for work make-up ad and meets up with his BFFs Martin Lawrence and David Alan Grier to discuss women.  Of course he leaves them to use a lame pick-up move on a woman with a dog.  Woofs are heard in the background (a very very subtle allusion to the fact that his character is a “dog,”  just in case we didn’t get it already.)

The big question in all of this is: what is Eddie Murphy’s undeniable sexual appeal?  It must be the soul patch…or the fact that he was in Coming to America.  Should you feel brave enough to continue, here is Part 2.

Previously in this series: Introducing: Movie Night

Introducing: Movie Night!

Posted by Stephanie

To expand on the idea of Boomerangs in Pop Culture, I am beginning the tradition of The Boomerang Blog’s Movie Night.  What better way to start than with the first segment of a truly terrible/fabulous movie called Boomerang?  Eddie Murphy’s comedy clearly hasn’t evolved in the last two decades, but at least he’s consistent.  Just like us.  So pop some popcorn and get ready to see a movie that showcases no actual boomerangs.

More segments from this movie will be posted throughout the week.